Gaining weight and losing motivation: Getting back on track after a slump

Show of hands, who gained weight this year? Just me? Ok.

Seriously though, I hit a snag in my weight loss journey this year because well, 2020 is the worst year I've ever had the misfortune to live through. 

This year hit me like a bus. So many different things were going on in my life and then here comes Covid.

I had already been falling back on my walking and hiking and then the lockdown came. I finally had a real excuse to be lazy. Oh well, there's restrictions in place, I can't go walking anyway, I told myself. 

So I lazed around the house doing nothing, eating poorly, convincing myself that when the lockdown is lifted I'd get back to my routine. 

But then the lockdown was partially lifted and I found another excuse. Now I could go walking, but who walks in a mask? I wouldn't be able to breathe properly, I told myself. 

So I kept doing nothing. Lazing around, eating poorly. 

Next thing I know I'm jumping and kicking to get into my jeans. 

Yes, I gained weight. I don't know how much because I remember how depressed I used to be weighing myself and seeing a number higher than I had expected. So I refuse to step on a scale at this point. I don't need to know the number. I just know I gained weight and I don't like it. 

But I kept making excuses. I kept making plans to get back on the road and cancelling last minute. 

Let me tell you. The first step is always the hardest. Always. 

I remember when I had first started this journey at almost 230 pounds thinking I would never get to my goal weight. I was just too damn fat. I'd think, Camille, just love yourself the way you are. You can't change it. 

The decision to get up and actually start taking my health seriously was the hardest part of the entire journey. No mile was ever as hard as that very first mile. 

Mustering the willpower to get moving is just as strenuous as the exercise itself. And I feel like I had lost that will over the past few months.

So this is where I am today. Feeling like I'm at the start of that very first mile again. Trying to muster the willpower to get going again. Because I don't ever want to be 230 pounds again. 

It helps to have good friends when you're at this stage. Honest friends who will tell you what you need to hear not what will make you feel good. 

And so, having honest friends push me and encourage me has helped to renew my will. 

So after months of inactivity and poor eating, I got up off my ass and did a 9-mile trek last Sunday. 

And lemme tell you, this is going to sound so corny, but from the moment my feet hit the road I felt alive. 

Like an electricity moving through my body saying 'Yes bitch! This is what you needed!" 

We started our trek at Maracas Bay with the aim of ending at 100 Steps Beach. I did this trek several times before and it is one of my favorites because the views, scenery and salty beach air always soothes me. So I decided it should be the first trek of my comeback. I would usually trek from Maracas to 100 Steps Beach and back but I decided to do only one way this time because I'm just getting back in the swing of things, testing my body to see if it is even still capable of long distances. I didn't want to overdo. 

My body has definitely gotten comfortable doing nothing. It took tremendous effort to complete those 9 miles. I don't remember that trek ever being so difficult. 

By mile 2 I was already huffing and puffing, struggling to get up the inclines and sitting for regular rest breaks. 

By mile three I was over the whole thing and ready to go home. But my sons, who accompanied me on this trek, were looking. What would I be teaching them if I quit? 

My older son was still going strong and he's only 12. So I said if he can keep going, so can I. By the time we got to Las Cuevas, my calves were burning, my knees were buckling and I could feel the beginnings of a leg cramp coming on. I collapsed in the parking lot. Flat on my back, spread out and panting. 

I'm on my back looking up at the sky like nope. I'm done. I could be in bed right now, why on earth am I lying on hot pitch on the North Coast Road? 

But one thing about me is, it may take me forever to get there but I will reach. I set a goal to get to 100 Steps beach and I meant to do exactly that. If I gave up there, I would feel like a failure. So I got up and resolved to fight the pain.

My three walking buddies and my children gave me the encouragement I needed to keep going. (One threatened to pelt me with a bottle if I didn't).

I eventually got to 100 Steps Beach in like 4 and a half hours. Yeah I know, I ain't breaking any records. But 4 and a half hours of walking after months of inactivity was a record to me. I didn't think my body could handle it. 

I am writing this on Tuesday, two days later, and my body still hurts. My legs ache when I stand. The back of my thighs feel like they're on fire. Don't even get me started on my back. 

But I like the pain. It is a reminder that I accomplished something and that I can accomplish more. 

I miss pushing myself to my limit. 

So I gained weight this year. But now I am so excited to see it all fall off again. Because I made the first step and it left me wanting more. I'm back to excitedly googling places to walk and hike. I charged up my FitBit that was lying unused and neglected in the bottom of a drawer for months. I swear I heard it say "girlllllll where you been!" when it came on. 

I have this renewed motivation that I never thought would come back.

So look out for new adventures. New blogs. New and old routes. And lots and lots of milessssssss!